Loving Lily
by burnacrossthesky
Summary: As Severus Snape dies with Harry by his side, he recounts the memories of his childhood love.


Severus is dying. He knows it. The poison is all throughout his body now, and blood seeps from the wound in his neck. Though his vision is blurred, and his consciousness wavering, he is aware of one thing. The thing, the figure, the boy coming towards him - he knows it is Harry Potter, and for some reason he is grateful. "Lily's boy..." he whispers, and he is suddenly sobbing the tears he should have cried many decades ago, recounting the memories he should have remembered when he was still that innocent boy.

His vision no longer shows the gray, solemn Shrieking Shack. It is a warm summer day, and he sees Lily and her sister playing on the swings. But it doesn't make sense. Lily is dead, has been for over a decade. But looking back at her, he realizes, with a jolt, that it does make sense. This is the child Lily, the child Petunia...and the child Severus.

He is reliving his memories.

He knows this place. He knows what is coming. And he is right. A strange boy creeps out of his hiding place and goes to Lily. "I know what you are," the boy whispers, the boy Severus hasn't seen for so long. "You're a witch." Lily retaliates, glares at him, marches away to her ugly Muggle sister Petunia. But that only makes her more beautiful.

The memory reforms. The boy and Lily sit together, cross-legged on the dewy grass. "Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?" Lily asks, looking worried. The boy hesitates, and tells her no. No, it doesn't make a difference if you were Muggle-born. That is a lie, of course. It makes all the difference in the world. But for Lily...he knows she is different. She'll be fine. She'll be in Slytherin, and he will protect her. And so he says no.

The scene changes again. A branch over Petunia's head cracks and falls to the ground. "Did you make that happen?" Lily says, turning to the boy, betrayed. He denies it. She doesn't believe him. And though Severus doesn't remember if it had been him or not, he does remember that she had run off in tears. And he does remember how his heart had been broken, afraid that she would never be his friend again.

The scene becomes Platform 9 3/4. He sees Lily pleading with her sister, close to tears as they argue. The unrecognizable boy watches them sadly. And then, what Severus and the boy both can't bear to witness... "You think I want to be a _freak_?" And Lily's beautiful face is covered in tears as Petunia continues. "That's where you're going. A special school for freaks. You and that Snape boy... weirdos, that's what you are. It's good you're being separated from normal people. It's for our safety." Severus winces, closes his eyes, moves on.

They are on the train now, Lily sobbing from her earlier argument. "I don't want to talk to you," she says. "Tuney hates me." The boy tries to cheer her up. "You'd better be in Slytherin." Laughter comes from beside them, and ugly James Potter is clearly the source. "Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" But neither the boy nor Lily hear the response that comes from Sirius Black, because they both leave the compartment.

The scene changes to the Great Hall, their sorting ceremony. "Evans, Lily!" calls Professor McGonagall, and the hat barely hits her head before shouting, "GRYFFINDOR!" The boy groans, and the scene dissolves.

It becomes the courtyard, and the sky is dark with the deepening night. Severus struggles to keep up with the boy and Lily, but then realizes what this is and stops trying. It's the night that Lily got angry, scolding him for being friends with Avery and Mulciber, arguing with him about Potter and his mates, reprimanding him for being so interested in where Remus Lupin was going every full moon with Potter, Black, and Pettigrew. No, Severus cannot relive this memory, and he moves on to the next.

It's night again, and nobody is there but Lily and that strange boy. Severus knows this memory is far worse than the last, but he still forces himself to watch as Lily leaves him for the last time. "You didn't mean to call me _Mudblood_? It just slipped out? You call everyone of my birth a Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?" And she stomps away.

That is the moment, Severus knows, that the boy changes. And he becomes someone who Severus does recognize; as himself. The boy is gone, in his place a young man who cannot begin to wonder why his life has taken such a terrifying turn. But this man - Severus - will never stop loving Lily Evans, of that he is sure. And the scene changes back to the present.

The poison has almost overtaken him now, and with his limited breaths, he just manages to croak, "Take them... TAKE THEM!" Though he doesn't know why, he feels that it important Harry see these memories. After all, the boy never really met his mother... but Severus knows that the reason he is giving these to Harry is much larger than that. The frantic grip that Severus has on Harry's robes cannot stay much longer. His hands are weak, and he is ready to give up living. But he cannot bear to die without seeing Lily's beautiful eyes one more time. "Look...at...me..." he manages, and Lily's eyes find his. There is so much more he wants to say, but not enough time left for him to say it. _I'm sorry for everything. I wish you had met her. Please, stay alive and don't make her sacrifice have been for nothing._ But he knows he can't say any of this. With a last breath, and a last look at Lily's boy's face, he lets go, finally, of the pain he has suffered for so long.

He lets go of the memories.

And promptly, the world falls black. And Severus Snape is no more.

* * *

**yea kinda weird not really my best work i was lazy but it's ok i guess**


End file.
